My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
