his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
