WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
