She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
