Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
