She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
