sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
