Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
