Don't make out with my wife yet
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
