I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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