update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize