No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
