I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
