worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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