Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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