At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
