I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
