no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
