she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
