I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
