Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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