hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
