the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
