I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
