In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
