She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
