He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
