no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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