She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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