God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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