So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
