I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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