so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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