What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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