i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
