I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize