she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
