He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
