He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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