Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
