Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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