and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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