We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
