i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
