you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
