Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
