dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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