Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
