Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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