Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
