I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
