My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
