I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
