it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
