lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Semen is not good for contacts.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize