Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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