Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
