she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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