is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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