I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm like, not good at living.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
