eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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