I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
