I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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