this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
