My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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