I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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