You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
