Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
