marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if only i could text you this smell
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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