They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
