I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
