I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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