come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
