I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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