Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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