like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
