and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
