omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
