there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
