can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
