Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
