Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
