I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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