Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
