You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I think my fart just growled at me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
